one liners

My friend K comes out with some great lines. Here are a few I can remember lately:

• We were talking about avocados being yucky lately and I said I’m only eating them cos they’re falling off the neighbour’s tree and are delicious. But it’s strange cos the tree fruited in winter and they were horrible. She thought about it for a moment then said “It must be confusing for an avocado tree to live in Morningside”.
• I was explaining to her about someone I know signing up for a 10-week CrossFit programme and what that entailed. “Urg, I’d rather just be fat.”
• K is a great baker so I was telling her about the yogurt flan I’d made for someone who was doing the Dukan diet and how it tasted like cheesecake. “So just make cheesecake.”
• K was telling me about someone going out with guys almost 20 years younger than her. “The last thing I’d want is some 20-year-old flailing around on top of me.”
• We were messaging each other and I told her something about me and my partner. “I’m very happy for you but please STFU.”